


Off Winter's Hell

by HeartxoGrenade



Category: Backstreet Boys
Genre: Drinking, Fantasy, Gen, Self-Harm, more tags to come
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-28
Updated: 2020-12-30
Packaged: 2021-03-11 03:55:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 10,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28388901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HeartxoGrenade/pseuds/HeartxoGrenade
Summary: the past is so brutally haunting,and just when you thought it was buried,it will always catch up to you...your mind and soul unrest....Nick never thought he could deal with anything out of the ordinary but he suddenly has a remarkable ability that will pull his views on reality and perhaps face on on the most suffering of creatures...himself....
Kudos: 1





	1. Chapter 1

Emotions can be stolen.....

There was something unsettling the way his mind focused.  
This beauty in front of him sprawled out upon his unmade bed, like a troubling angel, grazing over his features.  
A hell within...  
sorrows unspoken but drumming ever so loudly among the stale thickness of the room.  
He had seemed worn to wear upon an early fever of dawn, his blue eyes clouded in a grey storm of defeat, adorned with black circles that respected his exhausted grace.  
Though it may not be, it was certain that a trembling beast dwelled along his aching soul. It was a thundering madness that the other man cannot understand about the other.  
After studying him for some time, he was worried immensely by a relentless silence and knowing very well what thoughts could be controlled enough to cease it.  
"Yes?" Nick asked weakly, discovering his bandmate watching him intently.  
Brian could swear he saw pain-filled words dancing idly on Nick's lips, clinging onto the poutiness of everything unspoken...and Brian longed to kiss those dreadful words in order to have speak for him. He said nothing as Nick continued to stare, not matching any light to spark a dead-set flame to protrude alive within the other's face again. He sighed carefully trying not to upset the younger man more than he possibly already was.  
" Nothing Nicky...just....nothing.." Brian said softly and quickly existed the lonely room for he knew Nick had felt nothing of himself no more....

Dreams can be stolen....

But it was meant to be back-tracked, a desperate hold to feed the consequences it may deliver.....an only ending to a thought's fire consuming any type of future it may breed.

Nick was most likely a creature to succumb such insanity as it presses his mind further away from the reality he once knew about. He was able to travel aimlessly throughout the world just by his emotions alone, to all the places his soul befitted in the past.  
Sometimes it was a sure thing and others it was very ill mannered he screamed like an offshore storm, wild and feared upon the world.  
The emotions were strong willed and rather haunting....where he went depended on how he was feeling at that very moment or a triggering aspect...either way he could not control it.  
And that in itself was a demeaning factor.  
It followed by the same theme but distorted and stretched in different unimaginable paths he considered death just to escape. Although he had tried countless times, he was stuck in his private realm of suffering.  
Before Brian came to his room, he just returned to a memory he briefly went....where the Backstreet Boys first started off.  
Orlando.  
His vision blurred along the scenery he took in as a withering breath, it was usually how he viewed it when he teleports to those places. Like a different perspective that almost seemed as damaged mirrors and perhaps it was an exact way he even dreamed of.  
Florida was obviously a very warm place, heat crackling between his ears as a solitary echo and palm tress soaked among yellowed oils from quivering sunlight, dripping green from their beaks.  
Somehow it never was shown in this thoughtful way.  
It was a chill surrounding him in frost bitten treads, the air shifts mad-like and unforgiving for he knew this wasn't how it was supposed to be met.  
Even in the most hottest places he transported...it was always accompanied by a winter's elegant wealth.  
Suddenly snow started to sprinkle their dance among him, pirouetting and graceful as the most beautiful dancers he has ever seen.  
He felt light-heated and confusingly dark at the wondrous sight before him, delicate at first but soon grew heavier the more he thought it could grip him in the comfort he cannot remember.  
He also knew the origins of the snowfall even in the midst of Florida...  
It was his tears cascading downward.  
That was another detail he grew accustomed of, no matter where he was, tears were the form of snowflakes, maybe it was sign that was meant to be dissevered from how a soul bends and touches.  
How a soul shall be punished and torn,  
a remembrance off time spent.

The people around him was unaware of his presence, he was among those that truly enjoyed the serenity it held.  
It was also a very painful belief that he stood in the middle of the city, being more unaware of himself than the others....he wanted to be heard too.  
There was very rare instances where some who can actually see and also speak to him, a couple from his bandmates but more so as strangers ignited in his path, it wasn't the case mostly but it does work.  
He was unsure what emotion brought him to this very point of time, it was likely the feeling of grief he did not understand what came forth of that.  
It played off each other like a never ending game, but he is convinced of the endgame nevertheless.  
It wasn't long that he stayed there, it was shown for a few minutes before he found himself back at the hotel room, sighing uncomfortably he allows to cherish all that he had seen....the better and the evil.  
He felt real tears started to flood the gates and slipping down it was freezing cold, not the heat one usually would possess...but he was different in his own stance.

Nightmares can be stolen......

Nick wore red all the time  
It was a staple he himself implanted after discovering his unique talent, as far as he is concerned of and even dismissed the questionable glances from his bandmates but they never pressed the issue. They assumed he was just lost within a phase off crimson garments that made sure it stood out,even if he was forced to wear another color on stage.  
As he was changing for the night's concert, he frowned when he picked up tight black pants laced in leather and an almost equally type shirt. There was not a sight of the tone he most ever desires.  
He suddenly felt a hand squeezing lightly on his shoulders, he shook internally.  
" Sorry man...I know you love red but this is what management wants." Kevin slowly whispered unsure how the younger man would take the news that may as well anger him.  
An emotion he never wanted to cross again.  
Nick swallowed with an inaudible movement and just nodded his head deciding one night of this should not affect his mindset at all.  
" Nah man its cool,,,its just for tonight after all." He stated proudly and finished dressing.  
Kevin's facial expression creased with an automatic worry and made sure to note to speak with management later on.  
When the show was over, Nick stood among the stage he shares with his brothers and smiles enormously to the sound of screaming fans raining heavenly on love and admiration.  
He was afraid, from one point to another, he would accidentally teleport during the middle of a concert, revealing his secret and hopes it did not have a devastating aftermath.  
No one knew about this plight he faced on the daily anchor he called his life, capturing him in tribulations that rivulets a deterioration society, scolded and misunderstood.  
His soul was the one whom abandons the shell of his body to travel elsewhere, memories and familiar places alike.  
If he would teleport than the others might have thought he fainted due to exhaustion, never knowing it identified only in his mind.

Backstage....the guys were unwinding down from the chaos of the night and as so they talked about plans for the rest.  
" Hey! I heard about this cool nightclub downtown! Anyone wanna join me?" AJ fervently asked  
" Sure! I could use a couple of drinks." Howie snickered as both Brian and Kevin nodded in agreement.  
Noticing how quiet he has been for as long as they knew of, the guys glanced over at Nick who was just about done packing his stuff away.  
Clearing their throats to grab Nick's attention didn't go untouched.  
" Oh...I um...I'll pass this time.." He quietly said and his brothers sighed clearly unhappy with his growing distance between their relationship. It was quite troubling really.  
But all Nick wanted was to be alone and perhaps swim within newborn currents to his next destination, it became quite an obsession, his feelings at the moment saddened.  
His vision suddenly soiled with jagged memories during this particular emotion. He usually ended up somewhere that only renders happiness to kill enough of the tender sorrow.  
There were moments where he just wanted to stay filmed among those particles, allowing to drown effortlessly to be perfected as it should be.  
That was what was weird about this entire thing.  
He couldn't be stilled in once emotion that he thrived for but instead tried another to almost white out what he truly required to feel and honestly deserved.  
It was deftly captivating.  
"Ok well..we'll see you later I guess." Brian spoke snapping Nick out of his engaging trance.  
Nick said nothing as he trotted out, not waiting for them.  
He wanted his secrecy to be only admitted to himself.

He found himself in his hotel room, at a distance he heard traffic rambling nonsense and moonlit feathering a quiet touch off gold and wonderment.  
It was utterly perfect.  
Settled on his bed roughly as if he was trying to ease the burdens and their meanings, he swiftly grabbed a bottle of whisky and his trusted pocket knife.  
An odd ritual he had found to this newfound heartache, another lie unspeakable but met with tremendous volumes.  
He raised his long sleeved sweater and examined the scars unabashedly stained in its wake.  
Some of the cuts were small and thin-like branches prompt and impossible to even detect what notes loudly held.  
Some were long and skeleton drawn that bleed the most profusely but never at is grateful wavering.  
Sipping roughly at the burning stench of his misery, he pressed the knife against his palm and compelled himself to be willed further away from paradise.  
He moaned low and grumbling as he evens the pain in some form of pleasure, his blood felt cold and disturbing, much fascinated with how his tears forced to confront as the same. Etching only for a minute, a brilliant silence deafened his ears as a thumping constant that lies beneath his otherwise broken body.....  
unwelcomed was the smile he pursed across his now sleeping face, both nameless and mysteriously free.

Memories can be stolen....

His destiny fruitless among his hand.  
Transported to a very harsh environment where the snowstorms billows rather viciously, the winds snapped his shame and he was unbearable to be heard off....but he knew this place very well.  
Though it must of been known, it still came to a shock he came here every time this particular sentiment took over. The field was decorated with pristine whitened gowns coming up to his ankles and wondering briefly how long it must of been this appropriate.  
He looked at his palm and realized the cut he previously purged seemed nearly faded in now blue hued in a scar.  
Shaking his head, he started to tread to where it was a satisfying crunch beneath him and tried to clear his vision a bit. There lied out the tallest willow tree he had ever seen, it must of been thousands years old although it wasn't actually like that at all.  
It was 38 years old, like himself and watched as the crisping bows of leaves shivered by the sensitive brush off active breaths, similar to the ones he breaths.  
It was his lifeline.  
He settled down right by the small crook of the tree where he perched evenly at he seeks above where a couple of the browned dressed leaves scatter delicately right in front of his gaze.  
Biting his bottom lip, softly asking permission to have these tears to be chosen just for him, he shut and opened his eyes, praying no more leaves can be snatched off as heartbeats stirred for a bit then in an joyful symphony.  
A silhouetted figure was approaching, it was one of his angels, but he tried to make out if it was the Ivory one or the Red one.  
Red.  
Fuck! He immediately thought and was suddenly in a desperate reasoning why when he was supposed to be filled with an endless joy but instead was confronted by the dark side of him.  
He stood up quite panicked as he raced over to meet the Red angel.  
" Halt!." The Red angel said and Nick stopped in his steps and waited for the command.  
" My my Nickolas....you seemed to be in debt with yourself at the moment.  
Nick raised an eyebrow but didn't speak a word, the Red Angel grabbed his hands furiously and came closer to view. The Red Angel was dressed in carmine robes and his face paler than anything else could contrast to it. His eyes were a tumbling ice of blue..just like Nick's.  
" What do you mean?" Nick carefully asked, not certain he would want to be supplied by the answer right away, the Red Angel snared.  
" You teleported here for a reason....the humans...have found you..." he explained as Nick sank uneasy on his knees.  
No...no..no!!! he didn't want them to found out this way...well honestly he ever wanted them to know what exactly he is capable of doing, unnatural as it was.  
He bunched his hands across his faced and sobbed uncontrollably, the snow hammering faster the more he cried.  
The Red Angel watched for a minute before finishing his discovery.  
" You teleported after the cut marks, and I know you are usually aware when you do as well so...the sorrow you felt was contradictive by those very marks you made."  
Nick looked up in sheer horror even though he had no understanding what exactly he had been telling him. So that explains why he haven't felt joy when he was supposed to.  
" Rage." The Red Angel whispered before disappearing entirely from the now visible clearing.  
Still star-struck by confusion and obvious regret, he was starting to weave sweetly the best he could manage. It appeared he was in control after all,well more or less he thought.  
And right when he ran back to the tree, he was hurried back into his own realm...  
a brutality of reality....

Heaven can be stolen and Hell revived.....

"Nick?"  
"Nicky?"  
" Come on buddy wake up."  
Nick felt like he was ruptured by a heavy fog that pounds his whole body. His eyes drift open and stared at his bandmates peering down at him with so much concern he sworn they could crumble beneath him.  
He gazed around the room and instantly knew he was in the hospital. Laying his head back he took a deep breath and regained his consciousness.  
Brian was the first to touch Nick's face gently, mapping his exhausted features with nimble fingertips and pushing back a sweat soaked husk of blonde hair...it was oddly pleasurable.  
All Nick could do was continue to stare without any exchange to refer more of his tenor, he licked his dried lips and spoke for the first time since he awakened.  
Rage.  
" Wha..what happened?" Nick asked in a hush tone but knew the others heard of it after he extracted it from his mind.  
" We went to your room to check up on you and you didn't wake up! we were so scared man..I mean you weren't breathing and you didn't have a pulse!" AJ exclaimed worriedly, gesturing the traumatic find with his tattooed hands.  
Wait....I...didn't have a pulse...so I was...  
" But the were able to bring you back." Howie interjected patting Nick's hand in a way to keep him calm.  
The doctor strolled in the room with a heap of paperwork Nick guessed was his test results they must of done while he was unconscious. It was pointless really since Nick's ability wasn't going to show anywhere in the tests, it propelled the doctor as he spoke to him and the rest of the guys, Nick heard just muffled voices around him.  
Rage.  
" But I don't get it!! Why did this happen to him?" Brian questioned as Nick turned his head to give him a pleading look.  
Don't push it...Nick thought.  
The doctor was just as frustrated as everyone else and blunders as he spoke, telling Nick to take better care and not work too hard..blah blah blah.  
" What about his..." Kevin trailed off as he sniffed in an effort to not cry. Nick looked down ashamed and knew what he meant to say.  
The cut marks across his arms and thighs, his stomach and chest, all in varying depths and sizes. But it was lovely in Nick's purpose.  
" Well...I do recommend he starts seeing a therapist to work out whatever he feels he needs to let go." The doctor explained.  
Rage  
" Maybe a mental hospital?" Howie sadly suggested.  
" NO!" Nick screamed out of nowhere and ran his hands over his fatigued face. The guys stood in fear as his voice roared through the hospital room. nick cleared his aching throat and brought the level of his voice even softer.  
" I mean....I think therapy is a wonderful idea,perhaps it is just what I needed."  
The others soon melted in relief and all gave Nick a group hug, to let him know that they will always be in comforting arms and he is never going to be alone again.  
......Rage was an unearthed prospect that can only be seen as a complex delight....  
Loneliness....Nick thought..if they only knew what was yet to come.....


	2. Salute to the Roses

Wearily, he spent the next few days in a blur that trudge through a vast mixture of emotions. On one hand he was pretty upbeat and the guys took notice of his positive outlook. In arrays of smiles and jumping about during sound check, they smiled amongst themselves that maybe Nick was starting to become his old self once again. The other he truly hid for there was a pestering question left dying along his lips he must not dare to speak out.  
Perching on the rooftop of their hotel in the current blinding of the city they stayed, he rushes out the man handling frustrations that seemed to be conquering his every event that passed by like morning flocks of anew. He sought up ahead and dreamily smiled the way the crust of clouds beautifully reflected against a swollen glitter off the full moon. Gliding as if it was attending its own gift to be an amazing solitude once found.  
Were there others like me? He whispered  
Surely he could not be the only one to be denied any sort of relevancy off a normal life.  
If there were...how could he ever seek them out, for any given idea to place upon this justice that may actually explain why. He rolled up his red sleeves and peered at his scars again. They were scorching in a maddening red now pinkish and shadowing smaller by boneless daybreaks.  
Encircling each one like a precious commitment, he knew he shall not etch any more marks although he really fought mentally to remain stable.  
Something inside of him cherished this protest in his own war, a guilt that was drawn to an authentic refuge.  
He felt a sudden impression that encased his like a wildfire of tingling sensations he felt throughout.  
Closing his eyes gingerly, another sigh suppressed his past dominance of grief and felt his soul detach from his body yet again...................................

He was floating within the lukewarm waters as waves continuously envelops him in a glorious foundation off joy. Flapping his arms soundly as he swam further underneath turquoise shimmering, in awe by the lucid company.  
Running out of air, busting through frothed edges and howled a huge gulp as he reached the surface. Slicking his hair back and took to the surroundings, a small boat swayed gently a few feet away.  
Barreling out a genuine laugh he hasn't expressed in a while when realizing where it transported him.  
It was a few years back when he last lived in the umbrella of royal shades into the heart of California. Deciding it was an eerie change of view though stated always as a Florida man. Hoping this visit would presume longer than previous ones, it was a learning curve to just enjoy it as so even before another emotion would turn abruptly at the pitiful heel.  
Thoughtfully lapping around a tight humming from the waters affairs, restful allowing a permissive caress and fevered by a heated veils to reflect. The charm upon this proven as uncomplicated for this was a real calm .  
Nick swam back to his boat and sat motionless for a bit, awaiting for tides off his mind to churn to whatever next may storm...and it would. He saw the horizons ahead turning into soot like clouds evaporating the area rather fast. A shriek off lightening hisses across the darkening skies, thunder clapping as a finishing encore.  
Nick was on his feet in seconds, preparing his boat for the coming rains that eventually will pellet among the afterthoughts from this serene notion.  
Fear.  
Overtook him like a force as his heart rate seemed to escalate the more he moved about. frantically fixating to be sure everything on the boat was patented down, he wondered when he would transport back. The winds running sharply along in close range, Nick broke out into a sweat and clenching was raging along the insides, pain followed suit as it crippled him still.  
The blackened clouds swirled like a puffing smoke of a yearning fire, showing blunt images which Nick can decipher as his past fears...from being lonely for the rest of his life to a possible fallout with the band. Threatened by the tears soon soaked along his canvas, snow began to flurry about.  
Curving inward for some retreat, he refused to look any further and as he piped out a torturing scream...coming to a pulsing end....right where he originally sat on the rooftop.  
Panting harshly, feeling the calm again and cooling down the systems...Nick quietly retreated to his room in an effort to hopefully remain safe for the remainder of the exciting night.  
Morning droves creepily as Nick started to stir in what finally became a peaceful slumber.  
An unsure knock filtered through the room and Kevin's voice boomed on the other side. " Hey kiddo, its time to get up we have a lot to do today." He spoke soothingly that is an exact spindle off a perfected song.  
" Kay..." Nick answered sleepily and eventually got ready for the busy day ahead. During an interview, all the guys cracked jokes and enjoyed some goofy endeavors.  
It was marvelous actually to at least feel somewhat human amidst a parallel worry that’s driven its knives the deeper the months had torched on.  
Although a sequence of each time awakened lies uncertain, it can be trusted to finally gain the truth. It beckons a mission which in dire need to be explored. There were definitely others and was demanded to gather them all in what shall be a safe place for them to roam.  
For the time being though to figure out how to use this profound ability to at least send out any type of signal or communication.  
" Hey Frick! I've heard the funniest joke bro!" Brian excitedly announced as he bounded right where Nick was playing around with his phone. Quirking an eyebrow waiting for Brian to tell him this apparent joke.  
"What kind of bees make milk?" Brian asked not even trying to hide his giggles. Nick shrugged and started to grin wickedly.  
" Boo..Bees!!!"  
Suddenly there was an uproar of extreme laughter that filled the sound check area as Kevin, AJ and Howie exchange glances in a grand aspect of relief that maybe everything is turning around.  
When they were done, they headed to the nearest diner and ordered burgers and fries. Nick usually didn't have much of an appetite due to the stress of tour and his new life he is still adjusting to but he did so to keep the others at bay and to keep tight everything.  
It's deceiving and rather lonely to hold something so significant away from his brothers, hateful on himself for never being truthful even if he wanted to shout it out and get it off his chest. Tricky to convince them that somehow unexplainable, acquired this thing that may or may not be helpful.  
" So Nick..um..I've been meaning to tell you something." Kevin said and focused back to the younger bandmate.  
" Ok sure what is it?" Nick asked as he threw a few fries into his mouth. Kevin paused for a mere second before moving forward with his statement.  
" Well we found a therapist that is willing to travel with us for the rest of the tour." Nick gulped down his food and stared blankly at Kevin, not believing what he was hearing.  
A therapist? But why? He was been considerably improved the last week or so he didn't understand this.  
" Um...well I've been doing better though..maybe it not needed." Saying as a matter of fact and Kevin grunts as a reply, apparently not impressed with that answer.  
" But..you promised..." Brian chimed in and it was clear there isn't a way out of this. Defeated, Nick signed then muttered an all right.  
" Well I am glad you came to your senses buddy." Kevin preened in victory as he continued.  
" Her name is Ms. Anne and she is actually is going to have a first session tomorrow morning at 10."He explained as if things cannot get any worse than it already delivered, if that was even a possibility. Nick groaned dramatically for this was their day off and he has to waste an hour chatting with a stranger and cannot divulge any information protected.  
What is the use of this anyway he thought.  
Nodding forcibly Kevin returned with a smile and they left without any other word to burrow more into a conversation dropped.  
As promised Nick reluctantly started to see Ms. Anne, even heeding to his wake up call Kevin so kindly did for him. Taking a brisk shower and changing into a red shirt with jeans, ready to meet her in the restaurant right where their hotel was.  
Nick figured a mutual spot was much better than his mess of a room. Tousling his hair to a more preferable style, quickly taking the elevators in a bundle of raw nerves like electricity slightly goosebumps along an restless body..  
Finding a seat easily at the half empty restaurant, he waited for her to show up and get the hell over this. Sighing heavily, he wasn't aware a shift of the seat and watched as she gracefully took her seat.  
Nick smirked for a moment, drinking her features in as a sort of read out. She was a decent gleaming woman. Her flowing auburn hair curtains her petite face, hazel eyes flatters well tone skin and her small figure encased with a flowery yellow dress.  
Yes...this would definitely do.  
" Hello! My name is Ms. Anne, it’s a pleasure to meet you Nickolas!" She chirped happily outstretching her hand and Nick took is softly.  
" Actually its Nick." He sneered angrily, only his angels called him by full name.  
Gasping as she apologized and made haste by taking out a notebook and a simple black pen.  
" So Nick.." she begins to scribble on the paper " Tell me about your life." she asked nicely. He rattled off from his childhood to when he started the band and everything in between, obviously leaving out certain parts.  
Every so often she would hum and hmm as she jots down notes and exposed the man she thought she knew. The hour was almost up and Nick couldn't feel any more relived.  
I mean don't get him wrong, she was a lovely woman and all but there is no way she can ever discover his true meaning.  
" One last thing to discuss and we can overlap this to our next session ok?" she asked and he nodded, afraid, fear creeping in again as he remembers the boat incident.  
" So, explain to me your cut marks." She said in a sympathetic tone. Glancing down as second nature, he took a minute to collect himself before explaining.  
It an escape..it was what separates myself with my emotion I don’t even want he thought but made no attempt to burst them out.  
Logically in the view he probably should've without exactly spilling off any piece of him that would alarm anyone for that matter.  
Instead tentatively piecing his response like a golden melody, something that would be explored as nothing more than a constricting depression.  
" Sometimes things get too much for me ya know and it just...takes off the pressure I feel ." Nick answered. I mean, its somewhat true he pondered as she looked at his sadly before she proceeded .  
" How old did you start this?"  
Nick had to think about this, as much as his memory could be clogged at times even more so now, remembering important bits such as that worried him.  
" I'm um...not really sure.....maybe around 18? I did it a few times then stopped. The fellas never knew about it until I started again like a few months back."  
He knew he was rambling but it seemed to please Ms. Anne as she gave a pleasant smile.  
" Very good Nick! It is very important to open up and just let all the negative energy out" she explained and hid a small giggle for her corniness.  
" Now..we only have a few minutes left and we can explore this topic at our next session...but I may ask..what got you started again.. I mean what triggered you?" She asked slowly.  
His head cranked up, nearly breaking his neck in the process as panic set like demanding flames unbreakable.  
How in the world is he going to explain this one! Another flutter ticks along him as he opened his mouth.  
" I am not sure really how to explain this to you, it just..happened and I know that is not an excuse but its mine and mine only." Nick said calmly although he didn't felt like he left that way.  
Ms. Anne eyes dimmed like honey and checked her watch signaling they were done for time being.  
They both stood up and lingered for what plagued any reach of words not yet sung across. Professing a murmured goodbye and a promised call to set up another appointment, Nick almost felt relieved.  
Untiring from sin, a devastation from a fleeing existence he always had known would eventually swallow his complete identity...  
he longs to cease.

Strange...Nick thought to himself as he remained idle on the floor of his room...very strange. How just one tithe of a supernatural occurrence can change your entire perception on life, extremely hard to be able to mend and renew to the man that he used to be acquainted to.  
Now forever sacred to be a loveless creature.  
Am I'm still even human?"  
He wasn't so sure and the prosperous memories he held apparently tucked within him as an importance but even if it can one instance where it will be stolen, he was also prepared for that too.  
His mind also wondered to the guys and his family, the fans.  
Nick had always glowed as long as they have them underneath his pouring gold of heart he has. To finally be able to soar at peace, to believe he was definitely worth something, even if it was meant to eventually find love before death.  
Love....what a ridiculous plot he can even think of right now. Sure he wants to find the one bloom that he could shower with his sunlight the rest of their lives, another whispering torture aches to him that no one would ever love someone strange as him  
...yes he was and perhaps this wasn't really truly an awful thing. Patiently...Nick dwelled safely...a further contemplation just when he faltered in a well-known area...this proves otherwise.  
Although he hasn't been transported yet, he had a detecting feeling it to happen at some point.  
When he woken up that morning, he was heavy headed and sickened to his stomach...and that wasn't the worst part.  
In a manner that he flew open the blanket he gasped at what he saw there.  
Roses...red ones sprouting leisurely off his ankles, thorns piercing and curling around his feet too.  
A crumpling sound filled a hesitation inside, how was he going to explain this to everyone?  
A foremost notion throbbed his senses, as he grabbed his dusty pocket knife that was neatly pressed like an old friend to converse for the first time.  
The spreading thirst was there and Nick shook that devil aside.  
He angled the bruising knife at the growing stems on one of the roses, he paused and had becomes aware that these blossoms were actually a part of his body!  
Who knows what the dire consequences could be if he attempted to slit them off...what if he bleed out and passed?  
Just when he started to pull away there was a knock on the door and Brian's voice reminding him of their routine.  
Nick glanced down and watched in horror how those roses slipped back within him, unveiling a threating void. This means something...and it is not moral. He wondered gloomy.  
There is no evidence to even suggest how those roses bloomed out of his body, one thing is clear though..something was definitely about to occur.  
At the end of the day, Nick was grueling with sleepiness, the pain in his stomach never ceasing and all he needed was some rest. He had another session with Ms. Anne but was thankfully short due to her having a family emergency. He hoped her well and promised to call if and when she will be available again.  
Throughout his busy schedule, he noticed roses were peaking everywhere around him and blew a sign of improvement when there was none coming out of him.  
Just my imagination he kept reminding himself as he took a long hot shower and clad in only his boxers he lied down...mind and soul creeping alike.  
There it shall be, he drifted and soon enraged with absolute disgust off his body. First being able to teleport and not even have the chance to control it, now roses are budding out from him! His heart began to palpitate and before its feasible, his soul suddenly scattered expectantly. 

Dropping down roughly like a weightless sack, he opened an eye and the disgust chased throughout him.  
It was an extremely large garden, sprinkling every color you can imagine, every types of flower from around the world nestled safely here, away to the unclean hands off a human's touch.  
It was divided into sections, representing each flower in its own columns, the air was aromatic and quite heavenly.  
Nick was astonished, even in awe very well the feelings of disgust no longer harbors in him. It was certainly the fastest this ever happen, having the emotion take place of the other. This was by far the best experience he had ever had from the beginning of this journey  
Pleased.  
Nick smiled as he walked down the aisle determined to find the section where they kept the roses, to unlock why this was happening to him. Rage.  
Stuttering as he heard the familiar whisper from the Red angel, maybe he cursed him.  
Irritated, he finally found the room of the roses, the gates wide and tall and glazed in silvered glitters.  
Not resisting, he accessed the gate and stepped in. Eyes widened with the array of colors and scent he never seen such a marvelous place before, another one he never visited.  
An angelic falsetto lifted among the deepened air and decided to follow it. As he continued to run, desperate to seek out this wonderful voice, he suddenly stopped short, jaw agape.  
She turned and faced Nick, an alleviating smile graced her elegant face. Blue eyes shining bright and her long flowing white hair gowns her entire body...this can't be  
." Hello dear Nickolas." She whispered coming close enough to blind him.  
" You are..." Nick didn't finish as the woman nodded her head.  
" Yes sweet boy...I am the Ivory angel."  
If he could pass out right now though not possible then he would.  
A million questions swimming through his mind all at once. The first slipped at the obvious.  
" Where am I?" He asked.  
" You, are within an abyss of your emotions and memories, this is the origins of yourself, your ability powered by all this." And gestures around.  
" Each type of flowers are represented to the past and also the future..the present is unsure of itself." She paused.  
" I will explain why my dear." He backed up a little, nudging against one of the flower beds almost fallen. The Ivory angel giggled and took Nick's hands, they were burning with delight.  
" I brought you here young one...I came to warn you."  
Warn me? For what?  
She answered as if she read his thoughts.  
" The Red angel, how may I put it...accidentally speared your body and mind in rage."  
Rage...so that’s why he kept hearing that single word harshly. Before Nick can utter a word, she continued.  
" He did not mean such a thing..perhaps he was trying to teach you a lesson..anyway, the tree is your heart and soul, where he dwells...he is not supposed to be there actually but I cannot discuss about this now.. it is why there are roses growing out of you, they were tainted with rage and eventually will consume you entirely. Rage is very poisonous to special individuals as yourself..this may as well kill you."  
Nick crushed in a sharp breath, tears starting to form, snowflakes decadent. The Ivory angel gazed up with a sad expression.  
" What do I do now?" Nick squeaked as she came closer, making out a single rose ailing on his cheek. She rubbed it cautiously and cupped his chin.  
" My dear boy...only you have the power to end this...you must trust yourself, your mind...seek the others, they are there for you to become defined" The Ivory angel trailed off and hints of bright lights shown everywhere...Nick was back to where he started.  
Sobbing ice-cold tears, Nick tried to decode what the Ivory angel was speaking as.  
Trust...just trust......"you must... " he heard her voice resemblance like a visible star yet far from his grasp.  
So he was right...there are others..how do I search for them though? Trust your mind. 

It’s the last stop of the tour and Nick was eager to break out and search for people just like himself. Confident on how to do that however he needed to be preserved from everyone else.  
He began to consider different scenarios he had been and just like an alarm inside began to noisily ring  
Yes! That was it! He remembered the rare times he actually spoke to people when he teleported.  
He did talk to a couple of the guys..AJ and Brian to be exact and there was no way they were someone like him.  
Think..think..think....  
" Trust your mind" the squall of voices mixed together....were they trying to unearth him as well?  
In the same manner...they were probably in trouble. He supposed the same was happening to them, their Red angels causing havoc and unbalancing their lives.  
It was almost show time as Nick decided to figure this out afterwards when suddenly he felt it. Roses twirling around his legs and beneath his arms. The softness of the petal tickles his skin, mourning for the spell bound curse flowing through the veins. He only prays there was a solution.  
Nick sang the last few song prior to the closing of the show. The fellas didn't see the rose garden along Nick's body and he was thankful for that. He was speeding back to his hotel room and immediately starting packing to go home and mentally preparing for this battle.  
As Nick went through the motions, spinning and dizzy he finally was at the airport bidding his goodbye to the other guys as he descends back to Florida.  
"Take care of yourself little bro and remember to keep seeing a therapist." Kevin noted giving him a pointed look.  
Nick laughed and gave the guys all bear hugs and when he stepped onto the plane..he was ready for anything.  
The roses still budded along his body but he dressed enough for it not to be noticeable, but it kept spreading gradually. At times it caused him great discomfort as the rage was cunning and morphing eventually becoming a monster before fading, he was fully observant he didn't have much time.  
And ironically, time is the very token he had...to save him from himself.

Nick reached the stairs hastily, slammed and locked the door. He checked his phone for any messages and turned it off, he didn't need any diversion to his upcoming plan.  
" How can I do this!!" he billowed out as he suddenly felt a suffocating grasp from the roses, thorns piercing his flesh as he let out a blood curling scream...he is withering...it was indeed a warning.  
Nick squeezed his eyes and tears pounded down his blossom filled cheeks as the agony took absolute control. Clenching his entire body, snowflakes were twinkling fiercely.  
.......Rage.....  
...........Rage.......  
.............Rage.......  
He rocked himself side to side, dampened with sweat, groaning. Witnessing how the shadows were threadbare against the wall, a distant bell toils reminding him it was 6 PM.  
A various orchestra of voices stung his ears as it emerges, powerful and mostly wishing to be saved.  
Intruding thoughts teeming to escape, it was surreal though.  
Deepened by the cages of reality, measuring the fate as if it could be weakened and relentless by dainty clocks.  
Nick aroused a few hours later, the house darkened by waterfalls of a rattled night, still sprawled out as he was previously and jumped to his feet.  
There is an intangible path to entail and that is to visit the Red angel himself. Growling, he washed up and threatened the exact emotion to equip for such a battle. His eyes eclipsed in a dangerous view and he snarled violently.  
" I am coming for you Red angel!" he spat angrily then sparks off winter-colored beams expand when Nick's soul leeched off his body. He looked behind momentarily and saw the unresponsiveness of his body and leaped ahead.  
"Red angel will command to me!!"

........Stomp........  
.......Stomp....  
.............STOMP........

He stopped short by the lowering branches, removing his red hood and glanced at the landscape that surrounds him.  
Stealing a few leaves off a nearest branch, he crushed them within his hands till they turned to mere ash, unravel when they scamper away.  
Promptly his spirit felt a rushing stabs violently against him and collapsed to the ground, sensing the other man was coming in his direction.  
" Hmmmm..." he murmured when he straightened out and trekked towards the center of the deafening fields.  
A few snow particles graced his presence as they dance longingly across...it won't be long....  
Chuckling evilly, his eyes also resembles a lightened blue, basking into a calm before it became a messy chaos.  
" I am ready for you NICKOLAS!!"


	3. Illusions from Her Waters

When he landed, he was in a suffering state of confusion. Glancing around the scenery before him, it was not at his tree for it was on a remote island.  
"How the hell did I get here?" he asked himself as he saw a huge mountain shaded in various shades of grey and white, palms swaying their tropical harmony. This must be a mistake, he had strong urges that he is convinced it would've brought him there, to come face within himself and eventually etch his real meaning to the world. It was nothing more than a huge setback.   
Nick boiled up as he kicked a nearby rock instantly regretting it as the roses started blooming along his body once more. He grabbed his foot and bounced up and down, swore to the heavens and back. Suddenly he hear a quite laugh and he peered to discover the source of it. Not seeing a single soul, he shrugged and moved about on the island, troubling with fear for an escape somehow.  
What was more shocking though, he felt absolutely no emotion to lay his finger on at all the moment, which startled him for he did not know what this means.  
That's it!! I'm broken! I'm finally broken!! he thought to himself and perched down in the warming sensations of the sand, hands in his head.  
" No..you are not." A random female's voice filtered along with a depressing melody of waves clutching desperately at the shore. Nick snapped and turned towards her.....she also was blooming with roses but hers covered almost her entire body. His eyes wide as he started to back off but she just walked closer, reaching her small hands out as if she had been waiting years to be caught and now a disappointment.  
" Who are you?!" he shrieked and she was taking aback by his defensive attitude. Her eyes mirrored his own, a doe-like brown, her long curly hair glittered in sand, probably when she landed too Nick thought. This had to be some kind of nightmare, he wasn't supposed to be here with this woman, he was supposed to face his Red angel!.  
" You are no use to your Red angel when you are like this...especially when your void of emotion." she explained which only aggravated Nick even more. Void of emotion? but I'm feeling it right now and wait...did she just read my mind again. Nick eyes slit in a questioning expression, unsure of what to think let alone say at this point. She took another tentative step towards him, bracing her rose tinted arms behind her back in an attempt to show Nick she means no harm.  
" You must be a budding." she stated and started to walk on a narrow dirt path, diving underneath large fans of plants and scattering bugs flirting about. Nick had a desire to follow her, demanding to get squeeze some answers out of her. The terrain was rough and rocky, it was quite difficult for him to reach her pace but he finally did when they reached an extremely large palm tree. it reminded him of his own willow tree. A tear slid down and didn't even noticed her staring at him saddened for him. She gasped loudly, watching snow begin to sprinkle down and now she too back apart from him.  
He pulled his attention to the freaked out woman and he breathed out a small chuckle.  
" I'm one of you...aren't I?" He asked softly as her expression melted in gratitude, happy that he realized his existence. She slowly nodded as she sat by the sandy ground by the palm tree.  
" And...this is your tree??" he asked doubtful of her possible answer, gaining another nod then patted the uneven battered trunk in a loving gesture. He took regard of how her tree appeared, there was small pink flowers littered all over on one half of the side... which he can only guess is also her lifeline. But where was her angels? Did she even have any? Just when he was about to openly ask she answered for him.  
" My Red angel...perished..." she whispered and cornered herself even closer as if to hint she needed to be alone. Nick was even more perplexed. How can a part of yourself die? Is that even possible? He contemplated that for a moment while she shifts around uncomfortably. The awkwardness off both their silence was beginning to terrify them, there were no words enough to smooth over what should've been said.  
" It is possible Nick...I just don't have a bad side like the rest of us do..." she started and Nick gazed at her gently trying to probe more information out of her without even asking.  
" How do you know my name?" He asked in an eerie fashion.  
" The more you progress with the stages, the more you acquire." she simply spoke and Nick decided to drop it for the time being.  
She let out a huge sigh then went on to further explain.  
" When....I.....tried to face her..she was purely wicked and was truly envious that I always favored my Ivory angel. She thought I was indeed in love with my Ivory angel...for he had helped me sort out my own mess..... So she just kept stealing and hoarding so much away from me that one day..it was far too much for her to handle and it blackened her spirit. It was because I never allowed my bad side to come out, it ended up erasing her permanently." She said carefully as Nick had complete focus on her, trying not to miss any word she was reciting. He felt at peace that he knew for sure he wasn't the only one and also sorrowful for her tale.  
" And...when this happened..." as she gestured her nearly rose covered body, " I knew the others were cursed by their own Red angels...and...it may be..my...fault..." She said hesitantly as she stared at Nick's expression...when she saw nothing she started to sob, and bullets of fat raindrops began to descend from the skies. Nick tried to shield his body with his sweatshirt but even still it became a soaked mush in a matter of seconds.   
" You can't be certain of that." Nick responded flatly, unsure how to express himself, if he even could at the moment. It was too much to spoon in at the cost off his own sanity. Hard enough he wasn't able to go to his tree and now knowing what has been going on...he seemed a bit happy he waited..for now though.   
" I'm Maya..." she spoke after a long still in the moistened air after the rains cease. " I just thought you should recognize ." She finished and excused herself up and treaded by where crystal waters and brown sand met. Dumbstruck, Nick isn't sure what to do, if Maya was the real cause of this curse amongst the Red angel, than she indeed has the power to stop it right? On the other hand, she could be wrong, he thought the responsibility of their angels rest solely on them, not the actions of someone else. He jumped and raced towards her side, refusing to give up the very foundation on how to fix this mess.  
Deciding to approach this delicately Nick started with the basics. " So....you can read minds huh." he chuckled trying to break the tension between them. Maya glanced at him with a serious tone and also burst out in laughter, shaking her head in the process.   
" Yes...well we all can...your still a budding though...but it will happen eventually." She divulged to him and Nick pouted at the fact he has yet to reach that point. He wasn't even aware there were "stages" with this kind of thing. He always thought it just like..happened and that was it, not just a bunch of rules he didn't understand. It made sense though if he is considered a "budding", for he did not possess this power for a long period of time. Maya took note of his face and lightly punched him in the arm. Cocking his head, giving her a curious gaze that screams please explain after discovering her can read his thoughts though can be unsettling at times. He needed an explanation about these stages but first he truly wondered why he ended up in her lifeline.  
" How did I end up here?" he asked though it came off ruder than he intended to. He was on a mission to stop his Red angel from his own self destruction, never expecting something far more complicated is in tow. Maya suddenly had a guilty focus in her eyes and leaped from beside Nick, sprinting off further down the island. Shocked, Nick took off after her, afraid that she is holding something hidden from him. It didn't take much with Nick's long legs and sturdy thighs to catch up with her. Grasping her from behind and locking his arms despite the roses gnarling on them, she immediately stopped and gulping huge breaths and begged her body to relax. She reveled within his brute strength and felt an emotion inside her that she hasn't been teased with for years before the death off her one side. Refusing to let that falter as Nick finally spoke.  
" Now...I'm going to release you, only if you explain to me how I ended up in your lifeline, ok?" he threatened and all she can do was nod her head so small it was barely recognizable. Maya jerked off of him and grunted, smoothing down her bright pink dress easily. Her eyes seemed angered than the gentleness that overtook it before, she did not like to be held so wound like that..it made her all to oblivious, though her eyes spoke for her, she certainly did not quenched in them.  
" I...crashed into you as I was teleporting." She finally admitted and Nick beckoned her to continue forward, not satisfied with her answer.  
" I did it on purpose too..." she gloomily announced and turned from him. Nick's mouth dropped and his fist clenched, if he wasn't angry before, boy is he now.  
" Why the hell would you do such a thing!!" he barked, his voice vibrating across the entire land, scaring the native birds along he went.  
" I was just trying to protect you...I didn't want you to end up like me!" she shouted, Nick scoffed and paced in circles. Maya softly leveled her hands on his shoulders, ignoring the thorns that pierced her.  
" You must trust me."   
Nick had heard those words before, echoed into the spaces within his mind. If it was anything like what his Ivory angel said, then maybe he should. He barely knew this woman and already she had sparked something inside, something he was not familiar with.  
After what seemed like a forever pause, Nick stopped in his tracks and gazed at her for a moment.   
He noticed her smiling rather odd and glared at her " You regained your emotions....I guess your a tough newbie after all." she flirted and fancied by him to ignite a small fire as the vermillion sun disturbs the crust from the horizon.   
He followed her and placed himself on a moss eaten log,across from Maya as she fed the fire. They sat in a calm, fire crackling were the sounds that filled the gap between them. Nick briefly thought when he would transport back, even though he didn't want to leave Maya. It was weird he had such a gripping connection to her despite meeting her a couple hours ago. It was as if she was the missing piece he had longed for, another person of his type that will totally get him and guide him through.   
" I'll bring you home...if you want." she said assumed sadly and it clawed at Nick's heart.   
" You know, you gotta stop doing that." he responded matter of fact.  
" I cannot help it you know." Maya spoke lowly that aroused Nick fluently.   
" Well.." Nick sighed, running his flower clad hand through his also sprouting hair " I do deserve some answers...ya know..being a newbie and all." As he smirked, a crimson blush kissing her cheeks sweetly.  
" Ok Nick...where would you like me to begin?" she asked when he shuffled in his seat getting into a more comfortable position.  
" First off....what are these stages of our abilities?" he countered as she pulled a handful of sticks, teething the fire without meeting his gaze.  
" There are four stages....Bud, Partially, Fully and finally Senescent." she murmured before she could continue.  
" Bud..which is a newbie like yourself, is one who is newly born to the power...it often comes at random and as you may already witness, have no control...When your a Partially or Fully, it broadens your talent more so, you are able to control it better and can even teleport to other's dreams and memories, lifelines..travel among the others. Your senses while in human form increases as well. Some do say we can control the weather but I have yet to see that!" She snickered, Nick felt more at ease upon learning about this mysterious wonder that bubbles within him.  
" I get it...like the stages of a flower right?" Nick asked quite embarrassed it crossed his lips.  
" Precisely!!!" Maya chirped, clearing her throat to continue.  
" Senescent, is our last stage actually, we hold all the wisdom and knowledge to help our fellow Buds..like you."  
" Wait! You are at your last stage! What happens after?" Nick voiced, Maya drew invisible patterns on her lap. He took it as a hint that perhaps now wasn't the right time to ask.   
" I'm sorry..you really don't have to answer that." Nick proposed and Maya gave him a grateful gesture.  
" It is all right..when I finish teaching you all...it will present in true form." She answered although it confused Nick.   
" So um....how did this..power get created in the first place?" Nick asked careful with his words.  
" You see...after earth was formed...our faithful mother created every blossom and tree in the world...she had a bit magic left and wanted to bless certain humans with it. The thing was though...it got out of hand and it almost ruined the entire world..but she donned the gifts to certain individuals she deems is right for the power. Our souls are among the trees and blossoms she created. It explains why our trees are our life and the blossoms or leaves it whatever experience and memories that lie there." Maya paused to catch her breath as Nick was idle, gaining every bit of this he could get. She quietly stood up and prepared her bearings off the fruitful night..unsure Nick would join her or not.  
" I'll stay...that's if you..want me to?" he asked sheepishly and grinned. Maya was loss for words, reeling in a possibility he read her mind but it cannot be so..he is still only a bud.  
" Sure." she stated simply and proceeded to show him her hut that contains two beds and a handmade basin.  
As they got settled into bed, Nick had a last question tinkering in his mind before they set sail further on their mission. He stared at the hollow ceiling and drank in todays journey that made him filled with more joy and excitement that he did not know what he can do with it. Shuffling, he whispered in case Maya was already asleep.  
" Why roses?" Blurting out without giving a second thought. He heard Maya shift a bit and answered in an exact same tune as him. She was absorbed within the aspect herself, containing more from Nick than she let on...the reason why it was that lovely flower that ails them as it was supposed to be a true divine gift.   
" Because..." she drowned out and perhaps had another guess  
She was true to believe a darkness was ripping at Mother's special creatures with the only way they were taught how. At first she never wanted him to figure it out this manner, but if she truly need to saved among the others...its a risk worth taking.  
" It is her favorite blossom of all..." She replied sleepily and dozing off into a quivering fate..Nick followed suit.

Nick was stirred by a sheer coat of raindrops, parading on his face as he shook up from his lying position.  
Maya! He thought as he ran out of the hut to find her hurdled out.. uncertainty bleeds along him numerously. He didn't know what propelled him to exert himself this much...it was a right of passage for he needed her as much as he needed him.  
Coming around the bend..he finally spotted her....hugging her spirit as if it was a sin to create as so.  
" No! Not another step Nick!" she screamed, her own tears encountered what the dimly skies births.  
" Maya..." he undertake his voice...he relapsed in his own storms...heated by his sight as Maya was completely encased by rose gardens.  
" Maya...I am here....Please..." Nick pleaded and he swiftly was entangled within her vines that deliciously entombed him...waiting to suffer....  
" Nick..you must go back....do not...ow...trust my voice..." She sputtered weakly and in advance comes forth Nick's protest,

In advance, it was settled..Nick gasped up and exhaustion took its own place. His soul still felt as grief. He wasn't about to stand there and allow Maya to suffer more than she already has!  
He clamored back to his house.. wildly repairing each notch off himself but he never had noticed.  
Thumbing through catalogs off his emotions..it was a challenge to match Maya's....  
" Don't trust my voice." He remembered her stating weakly and then it clicked....it was his Red angel!!

"WHAT DO YOU WANT!!!!!" he bellowed so thundering it shall break glass..and it did like the plummeting off his tears....his new mission was to retrieve Maya and help her in the last stage as well as guide Nick herself....

He snickered...holding the knife hard held it almost broke his weary bone...

....Anything to see her again....as she slashed his wrist and it became a brilliant passion...

" Worth a damn try though...." he muttered and as curtained eyelids fell...it would convince him to a place no budding could do at its form...especially with both their human form....

" I'm coming back for you....but what to feel..." as though it left his lips...it wasn't even close to a clue to come back to her.

Thrusting in a scarlet tunnel..he screamed whenever his soul was sucked further...unaware it may take him to another right destination this time....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok..I hope this can explain a little more without giving away too much...I hope your still enjoying the story and let me know what y'all think!!!


End file.
